Circle of Life

Just a few days ago a dear friend shared with me something that happened after her mom passed away. They rode in the elevator with a newborn baby after her mom's passing and her dad commented that was the circle of life. Last night while we were sitting with my dad some friends of ours called to tell us they were going to have to deliever their little girl at 32 weeks, a mere 3 pounds. We just a call that Lily came out breathing on her own and crying and she and mom are both doing OK. I thought of my friend and said to Steve, that's the circle of life. Welcome Lily and praise God for her safe arrival into this world.

Home with his Savior

My dad took his last breath shortly after 2am this morning. I've never witnessed a stronger or more courageous fight. I am blessed to have had such an amazing and brave man as my father. This morning he is home with his Savior, whole and healthy. As I held onto him in his last moments I closed my eyes and pictured our precious Emily, holding our little angel in her arms, awaiting grandpa's arrival. I know he has them both in his arms right now and is filled with joy to be in His Savior's presence and to be reunited with Em and to meet our little one. My heart is breaking and my world will never be the same but I know he will hold me in his arms again someday. I love you dad and I miss you so very much ...

Not a good day ...

Today was the toughest day by far and it was really, really tough. Please pray that God would be merciful. What is happening to my dad right now is not merciful. Please pray for the Lord's time to take him Home and that dad could have peace, he is ready. He told me in one of his few lucid moments today, "this is so hard". All I could say was, "I know dad and I'm sorry". I don't think I will ever be ready to let him go but it's tearing my heart out to watch him suffer. I want him to be whole again and healthy and it's not God's plan for that to happen on this earth but it will happen in His kingdom. I wish it weren't, we all do, but we must accept that it is and let him go into his Father's waiting arms. Please continue to pray.

Not a bad day

I am at dad's bed side waiting on the night shift to arrive and he is resting comfortably. He had a episode with his heart this morning but they were able to get it settled down. He was more alert today and very 'with it'. The kidney deterioration continues to progress, there was significant change over night. They stopped the lasicks at this point so they aren't putting any additional strain on his kidneys. Although his output has increased significantly today his kidneys are not filtering waste from his body. He is still battling a lot of gas and pressure in his belly. They are going to try some things tomorrow to try to relieve that gas and pressure in his bowels and stomach in hopes of bringing him some relief. They may do a catscan as well but that's still up in the air. This time with him is a blessing, especially when yesterday we didn't expect to have today. God isn't ready and neither is dad. This time is a difficult one but we have had some unforgettable time together with him as a family and God has blessed us all with dad's ability to be a part of it and enjoy it.

Now, I have to share a rather amusing story. Last night before I finally headed home I made a stop in the bathroom. After I washed my hands I went to the trash can. I pressed the button on the wall and stared at the lid, waiting on it to open. I became rather aggravated with the lid for not going up when I had pressed that button. Steve asked me if I hit it again and honestly I don't even recall! At some point in my increasing frustration I realized (or should I say remembered) that button opens the door!! The door did open and I saw it open and have used that button all week to open the door but last night I was just certain it was supposed to open that darn trash can lid. Can you say exhausted? Jamie was waiting on me outside the bathroom and when I shared the story with him (something I will no doubt regret someday) he told me he thought it was time I went home. Steve was a little more than alarmed I got behind the wheel at that point! LOL

At one point last night I was asleep with my head on my hand on the rail of his bed. I woke up and put my head up and my big brother (Jamie) says, "You look like shit!". And then cracked up laughing. And of course shared with my other big brother today just how bad I looked last night. Brothers!

I am heading home tonight long before I try to open trash can lids with door buttons or look quite so bad. :)

One of the night shift has arrived so I am going to give her a report!

Thank you for continued prayers.

Still Fighting

A year ago today (it's still Sunday for me) my family gathered all together for my wedding. I never dreamed that day that one year later we would all be together again, around my dad's hospital bed. I have to say a week ago I didn't dream it either. I wished many times today to dance one last time with my dad, as I did a year ago. It has all happened so fast, too fast. Today started out to be a good day with some hope but quickly things changed. Dad's organs have begun to shut down and he is sleeping more and more. They had us call all the family in today in fear of it being his last lucid moments. He still tonight is coherent when he is awake and we have been able to have meaningful moments with him. He is a fighter, like none I have ever seen. He is my hero. He has shown such patience and courage over the last 2 1/2 years but especially in the last few days. I tried to stay tonight but it's harder than I expected for a pregnant woman to sleep in a hospital room! So I am home. I got a hug from my dad and gave him a kiss on the cheek and left him resting with mom and Jamie. Your thoughts, prayers, love, support and concern mean the world to us. Thank you ...

Happy Easter.

Tough News

It’s been a tough day already. We met with dad’s doctor this morning. We got more clear information on what is happening with his heart. He does not believe it’s the fluid but is the tumor itself causing problems. It’s causing so many problems and just zapping his body of everything. John asked him some very straightforward questions and thankfully Dr. Chambers doesn’t tip-toe around things. He does not think we will be able to turn it around this time and dad will probably not make it out of the hospital, if he does it would be with Hospice. He did not give us any sort of timeline. Then with tears in his eyes he looked at me and told me dad won’t be here to meet his grandson. I’ve known that for some time now but to hear him say it just broke my heart into a million pieces. I’m actually on my laptop in the parking lot, trying to get this posted and get myself pulled together – not at all an easy task right now. The doctor hugged John and I both as he left. What a wonderful support he has been to us in this journey. What we need now is much prayer for many things as it appears this long journey comes to an end. Thank you for love, support, and continued prayers.

And the baby is a ...

I told my brother I feel like I wake up each day and climb into a roller coaster. He said it thinks its more like a blender. LOL Today someone turned the blender on high or added an extra loop to my roller coaster. Up and down and up and down we go!

Wow - where to begin. I guess the not-so-good is as good a place as any ... then to the good.

Dad will remain in ICU. His lung is now 100% full and his chest cavity is filling with fluid. The tumor is also growing. He is having a very hard time breathing and back on oxygen. The fluid is putting a strain on his heart. This evening his heart rate got up over 200 and was very erratic. They were able to finally get it down but are still having a hard time getting it regular. Mom is spending the night with him tonight and his doctor is there on duty all night. They put in a catheter and that with the lasicks is taking off more fluid than they were getting with him just going to the bathroom. Right now getting the fluid off is priority to give his lung and heart some relief.

Now on to some good news! I called my OB office yesterday and talked with them about what's happening with my dad and asked if we could move my ultrasound up so I wold be able to tell him what the baby was. They told us we would have to pay out of pocket but were awesome and scheduled it right away. God answered several prayers for us today. We arrived and they came out to tell us how sorry they were about what dad is going through and that the ultrasound would be free of charge. Our second answer was a very clear picture of our baby boy! I told them when we left there was no price I could put on being able to share that news with my dad today.

Now, being that it is April Fool's Day, I couldn't pass up a perfect chance to get the grandma's and grandpa's. We put dad's gift in a pink bag with pink paper. Mom, so sure of herself, saw it and yelled, "I knew it was a girl" and let out a giant "woo hoo". Then she stopped and asked if it was an April Fool's. Dad opened it up and a blue Mickey blanket fell out. Mom was happy it's a boy but she was not amused at my beautifully executed prank! LOL We bought a pink card that said "GIRL" for Steve's parents. They opened it and both began to whoop and hollar. Then opened the card to read, 'April Fool's" and find a picture of our little boy. The looks on their faces was hysterical! Dad Handy asked me if I was proud of myself, to which I gave a hearty YES! He loves to play jokes so today was my turn to get him good. And boy did we!

And finally - GO UD FLYERS!!

Rest well tonight, blessings to you all.