Ready to start the third trimester tomorrow!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I did it!
Saturday afternoon mom and Steve and I attended the opening ceremony for the 2010 Relay for Life in Springboro. The survivor lap, for me, was the hardest. My dad is still a survivor to me, he's still my hero. I missed being able to watch him proudly take that lap this year but what a blessing to see so many, young and old, still fighting the fight and winning the battle. Steve and I went back later that night and walked again and again this morning. Last year we had horrible storms and tornado sirens blaring. This year we had beautiful weather and a wonderful turnout. Relay for Life set a goal of $50,000 and exceeded their goal at $52,000. Thank you all so much for your support!
I reminded myself this weekend more than once my dad never had the option to go back to bed and not have cancer, he didn't get to take a break, or just go home. He had to fight his fight 24/7. There were moments this weekend I wasn't sure I could take another step but my dad was my inspiration, and my strength. I needed to take my stand against cancer, and all it has taken from me, and I bring this weekend to a close feeling a little less helpless than I did when it started. As I walked my last lap this morning I said outloud, "I did it dad. We did it".
As most of you know, Emily's Beads of Courage sponsors a Dragon's game each year for the children in treatment at Children's in Dayton. Dinner is provided and the families get to attend the game afterwards. That too took place this weekend. Steve said he heard so many parents say how nice it was to have a night where they just felt like a normal family. That's what we hope for and what we are so thankful to be able to give them. I met some of the most amazing children and young adults this weekend. I had the opportunity to spend more time with a few of them than I usually do. It was also a night to honor our military families at the Dragon's game. At the start of the game they unrolled a HUGE American Flag on the field for the National Anthem. Steve and I (Beau and Karolyn too) were blessed to be able to take a group of the children from our group to be a part of that. I was especially blessed to spend much of the evening with Nathan and his big brother Jacob and two beautiful young girls, Bailey Jo and Mabeline. I wish I could share them with you, I wish you could meet them, you would be forever changed by their courage and strength and the love that pours from their hearts.
This is a picture of our family and friends that help make this event happen each year. And a picture of Emily's luminary. It's her courage and that of so many children facing cancer that we honor each year.
Thank you all so much for the prayers, encouragement, love, and support. It means more than you know.
Blessings!
Here a few more relay pictures. The survivors are in purple. Isn't it a beautiful color?
I reminded myself this weekend more than once my dad never had the option to go back to bed and not have cancer, he didn't get to take a break, or just go home. He had to fight his fight 24/7. There were moments this weekend I wasn't sure I could take another step but my dad was my inspiration, and my strength. I needed to take my stand against cancer, and all it has taken from me, and I bring this weekend to a close feeling a little less helpless than I did when it started. As I walked my last lap this morning I said outloud, "I did it dad. We did it".
As most of you know, Emily's Beads of Courage sponsors a Dragon's game each year for the children in treatment at Children's in Dayton. Dinner is provided and the families get to attend the game afterwards. That too took place this weekend. Steve said he heard so many parents say how nice it was to have a night where they just felt like a normal family. That's what we hope for and what we are so thankful to be able to give them. I met some of the most amazing children and young adults this weekend. I had the opportunity to spend more time with a few of them than I usually do. It was also a night to honor our military families at the Dragon's game. At the start of the game they unrolled a HUGE American Flag on the field for the National Anthem. Steve and I (Beau and Karolyn too) were blessed to be able to take a group of the children from our group to be a part of that. I was especially blessed to spend much of the evening with Nathan and his big brother Jacob and two beautiful young girls, Bailey Jo and Mabeline. I wish I could share them with you, I wish you could meet them, you would be forever changed by their courage and strength and the love that pours from their hearts.
This is a picture of our family and friends that help make this event happen each year. And a picture of Emily's luminary. It's her courage and that of so many children facing cancer that we honor each year.
Thank you all so much for the prayers, encouragement, love, and support. It means more than you know.
Blessings!
Here a few more relay pictures. The survivors are in purple. Isn't it a beautiful color?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Remembering Dad Across the Country
I thought I would share some photos of dad being remembered across the country ...
My dear friends and my beautiful godchildren, Zachary, Haley, & Emily, remembering 'Grandpa' at Relay for Life in GEORGIA.
Dad's cousin Jackie and her family at Relay for Life in ARIZONA.
I'll have photos of the OHIO Relay for Life soon!
Blessings!
My dear friends and my beautiful godchildren, Zachary, Haley, & Emily, remembering 'Grandpa' at Relay for Life in GEORGIA.
Dad's cousin Jackie and her family at Relay for Life in ARIZONA.
I'll have photos of the OHIO Relay for Life soon!
Blessings!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Long time, no blog!
Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged! Dad has been gone just over a month. What has the last month been like you may wonder and many have asked me. To be honest, I live mostly under an illusion that he's away on a really long fishing trip without cell service. Mornings, however, are my time each day when the illusion disappears.
Before dad's last hospital stay we started emailing each other. He was on high doses of steroids and didn't sleep much so I often woke up to an email from him. I always replied and sometimes he was still online and we exchanged more than one while I was getting ready for work. When he went into the hospital we started talking on my way to work. Once I got through the construction I'd call him and we chatted until I was at work. I got used to those phone calls. When he went home that one overnight I didn't call on my way to work since he was home and resting. I told him later how lonely my drive was without him. My drive each day is lonely and I can't find the words to say how I miss hearing "Love you" from him at the start of my day.
There are moments when losing dad is so very real. Mostly it's not though, it's sort of like an out of life experience (similar to an out of body experience I suppose). I can't wrap my head around it most times, I'm watching it happen but it can't be happening to me, it can't be my life. It seeps in slowly and in small chunks. What a blessing that is. The moments when it hits me full force are unbearable. Sometimes I want to scream and lay down and throw a good old fashioned temper tantrum, but it takes so much strength to hold it together that I have nothing left in me to fall apart. Does that make sense?
We picked out dad's marker. Mom decided on a beautiful bench. I will be sure to post a photo when it's completed.
Day to day our lives go on and we are living and we'll be OK. Mom asked me in dad's last days how she was going to live without him. I told her she'd get up every day and breathe. And so we do.
The relay is next weekend. I continue to give it much thought. Today I tried to think of how many years I've walked in Relay for Life. My best guess is 7-8 years. And I realized that I haven't walked even one without my dad. He embraced Relay for Life long before it was his own personal fight. There is a part of me that needs to Relay this time, to embrace this in a whole new way. After giving it much thought I found it's my way to stand up and fight, to get back on my feet, to live through this. I suppose each of my family will find their own way to find peace in what we've gone through. The Relay is mine. I am tired of feeling so helpless.
I've received many messages of support, prayer, and encouragement. Thank you to my friends, co-workers, and Arizona family for knowing how important this relay is to me and for supporting me. It means more to me than you know.
If you'd like to read more about the relay, my page is: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10OH?px=3490023&pg=personal&fr_id=23648 .
Next weekend is also our annual Dragon's game for the children in treatment for cancer at Children's Medical Center in Dayton. The night is sponsored by Emily's Beads of Courage and gives the children and their families a night out. And it gives our family a way to honor Emily and to honor the courage these children show daily. It will be difficult without our ticket man this year but it is always a joy to watch the children and their families enjoying the event. What a wonderful weekend to Relay. I'm not sure I could think of a better time to be honest. Their faces, their courage, will be fresh in my mind and my prayers as I walk and fight for a cure for this horrible disease that has touched their precious young lives.
My sweet little boy has been kicking all evening and reminding me how much I have to be thankful for and how much I have to look forward to. I look forward to seeing the lower half of my body again for sure! LOL I will have to update my belly picture soon, it's grown! Our next ultrasound is June 18th. I am looking forward to getting another peek at our little boy. And cousin Casey and Grammy and Pa Handy will be getting a peek too!
God is good and daily He sustains us and provides for us.
We continue to appreciate your prayers and support.
Blessings to you all!
Before dad's last hospital stay we started emailing each other. He was on high doses of steroids and didn't sleep much so I often woke up to an email from him. I always replied and sometimes he was still online and we exchanged more than one while I was getting ready for work. When he went into the hospital we started talking on my way to work. Once I got through the construction I'd call him and we chatted until I was at work. I got used to those phone calls. When he went home that one overnight I didn't call on my way to work since he was home and resting. I told him later how lonely my drive was without him. My drive each day is lonely and I can't find the words to say how I miss hearing "Love you" from him at the start of my day.
There are moments when losing dad is so very real. Mostly it's not though, it's sort of like an out of life experience (similar to an out of body experience I suppose). I can't wrap my head around it most times, I'm watching it happen but it can't be happening to me, it can't be my life. It seeps in slowly and in small chunks. What a blessing that is. The moments when it hits me full force are unbearable. Sometimes I want to scream and lay down and throw a good old fashioned temper tantrum, but it takes so much strength to hold it together that I have nothing left in me to fall apart. Does that make sense?
We picked out dad's marker. Mom decided on a beautiful bench. I will be sure to post a photo when it's completed.
Day to day our lives go on and we are living and we'll be OK. Mom asked me in dad's last days how she was going to live without him. I told her she'd get up every day and breathe. And so we do.
The relay is next weekend. I continue to give it much thought. Today I tried to think of how many years I've walked in Relay for Life. My best guess is 7-8 years. And I realized that I haven't walked even one without my dad. He embraced Relay for Life long before it was his own personal fight. There is a part of me that needs to Relay this time, to embrace this in a whole new way. After giving it much thought I found it's my way to stand up and fight, to get back on my feet, to live through this. I suppose each of my family will find their own way to find peace in what we've gone through. The Relay is mine. I am tired of feeling so helpless.
I've received many messages of support, prayer, and encouragement. Thank you to my friends, co-workers, and Arizona family for knowing how important this relay is to me and for supporting me. It means more to me than you know.
If you'd like to read more about the relay, my page is: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10OH?px=3490023&pg=personal&fr_id=23648 .
Next weekend is also our annual Dragon's game for the children in treatment for cancer at Children's Medical Center in Dayton. The night is sponsored by Emily's Beads of Courage and gives the children and their families a night out. And it gives our family a way to honor Emily and to honor the courage these children show daily. It will be difficult without our ticket man this year but it is always a joy to watch the children and their families enjoying the event. What a wonderful weekend to Relay. I'm not sure I could think of a better time to be honest. Their faces, their courage, will be fresh in my mind and my prayers as I walk and fight for a cure for this horrible disease that has touched their precious young lives.
My sweet little boy has been kicking all evening and reminding me how much I have to be thankful for and how much I have to look forward to. I look forward to seeing the lower half of my body again for sure! LOL I will have to update my belly picture soon, it's grown! Our next ultrasound is June 18th. I am looking forward to getting another peek at our little boy. And cousin Casey and Grammy and Pa Handy will be getting a peek too!
God is good and daily He sustains us and provides for us.
We continue to appreciate your prayers and support.
Blessings to you all!
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