Can my little boy really be 5 weeks old today? I'd ask where the time has gone but I am pretty sure it's been lost in the whirlwind we now call life!
How am I? I think I'm a typical exhausted and overwhelmed mom of a newborn. Which is why I'm just updating my blog and pictures!
William was born on August 31st. I have a list of my favorite drugs (steriods, zofran) and I now have a list of the most evil drugs known to man and pitocin tops my list. And an epidural now makes my favorite list! A drug-free delivery with pitocin must be simply unheard of! It was tough but worth every second for my sweet William. I was blessed to be surrounded by family and friends as my little boy came into the world. And to have MY doctor and not someone on call. He and Lisa bantering back and forth while I pushed provided a bit of comic relief that I certainly needed! There's no one quite like Dr. Little as Lisa will attest to. I still chuckle when I recall one particular moment during delivery. I was pretty out of breath so I only said what I had to. I looked at Dr. Little and said, "push" and he grinned and said, "YOU push". If only I had been able to laugh! My recovery has gone very well and I feel wonderful physically. The dogs adore Will and have done so well with his addition to our family.
I return to work on the 14th - much too soon but later than I had planned. Mom was supposed to take care of Will and so when we realized that wouldn't happen I was struck with a degree of panic. God thankfully led Matt and Lisa to stay here (and not move out of state) and she will be taking care of my baby boy. I couldn't ask for better hands to leave him in and will do so with complete peace in my heart. He already loves his Aunt Lisa!
William's first CF test was negative. We were on pins and needles for days waiting on the results - which of course took longer than usual. When the call came I think I stopped breathing all together while I waited on the results. After I hung up I sat and cried for the longest time. I am not sure I have ever felt so thankful. He will have a sweat test at 2 months of age to confirm it but the blood test is a good indication. God is good!
The weekend before last William met his Uncle Wayne. Steve and his dad are both named after Uncle Wayne so this was a special visit for our William Wayne! He also met his cousin Nat this past weekend. Nat was great with Will and the smile on Nat's face just warmed my heart. Now we're counting the days until he can meet Adam! I am sure he'll love him as much as Casey and Nat do.
My mom ... where do I begin? We were left with many unanswered questions after her last two episodes. Shortly after Will was born our questions were answered. Mom called shortly before we were scheduled to be released from the hospital with Will. Steve knew right away something was wrong and our two families sprung into action to get to her. As we were released she was being admitted. This time tests showed a stroke and in the days to come another would follow and as it unfolded the doctors determined the episodes earlier this summer were also strokes. Much like the last two times mom went through a time where she didn't know us and hallucinated. She always knew who William was but he was her only constant. (And she always knew Obama was President. William and Obama - that has to go in his baby book!) I was home caring for him and it was quite some time before mom was well enough to even talk to me on the phone. When I finally saw her she knew me about half the time I was with her. I was devastated to be without my mom in my son's first days, not even able to tell her about him and share those moments. In time mom began to know us and I have been able to talk to her by phone. She's been able to see William only a handful of times as he's not able to be in hospitals or nursing homes. It's been hard for mom to be away from Will and not be able to truly enjoy him. We hope in a few weeks she will be out of rehab and living around the corner from us.
I've had a host of emotions in the last few weeks (you can imagine how hormonal changes impacted that!). Although I have an amazing husband and in-laws I have felt very alone and lost. It's amazing how being without your parents affects you and how utterly heartbreaking it is. It's been difficult without my dad and mom was in such a state that I too was without her. I can't put into words all that has come with that at this time in my life. I miss my parents and my heart aches for them both. My mom is slowly coming back to us and I am so thankful to be able to talk to her and see her now and hope soon things will be more typical (I hesitate to say normal - what is normal anyway?).
Yesterday was Oct. 4th, the anniversary of my first date with Steve. We thawed the rest of our wedding cake this week. What perfect timing! And what awesome cake. :)
Today is October 5th, my dad's birthday. Tonight we are going to Frisches and coming home to have angel food cake, pudding and milk. My dad would put all three of those together in a bowl while I watched and gagged. When he was in the hospital his bowl was too small to mix it and he ate a bite of each and chased it with milk. That's more my speed!
Later this week is the anniversary of the day God took our little angel home to Heaven. I have always believed our angel was also a son. I remember that day vividly and often think of him.
I think back to this week a year ago. Our family went to Spaghetti Warehouse for dad's birthday. He looked and felt wonderful. Jamie commented on how pregnant I was looking and I shared ultrasound pictures of the baby. I had no idea what the days ahead would hold. I look at my precious baby boy and know he is with us as a result of a piece of those days. I talk to him about his big brother and his grandpa and know together they are watching over him and are a part of the person God has made him to be. In one of my last posts I said I prayed to look into my son's eyes and see my dad. God answered that prayer. On our first day home from the hospital my mom-in-law gave me the most precious gift of all, she looked at me and told me that William looks like my dad. And he does. Each day I look at him and see my dad and know what a gift that is.
It's been another time in our lives where the joy and sadness are hard to separate but life is good and we are blessed with a beautiful baby boy. He is my miracle and what keeps me going. Every second with him is a joy and a blessing.
Thank you all for your many prayers and love.
Blessings!
