My Miracle

I still remember waking up on Christmas Day feeling sick at my stomach and just icky. I had taken probably 3 or 4 pregnancy tests in the weeks before that hoping to see the magical word, "pregnant" but each time it said "not pregnant". I took one on Christmas Eve hoping to be able to give my husband that gift for Christmas. Instead he got some other gifts he liked and was happy to have them.

The next day I still felt pretty rotten and again the next day and by that time I was starting to recognize that feeling in my stomach. We had a snow storm on the way and not a pregnancy test in the house. My wonderful husband took me out on some really nasty roads that night to buy a pregnancy test. I came home and took it and finally it said,"pregnant" and in record time! Having suffered the loss of our first baby I am not sure what I felt first, excitement or fear. I do remember getting on my knees to pray for him. I walked out to the couch silently and just held it up for Steve to see. I'm not sure which feeling he had first that night either. I know we both felt such a deep fear of what was to come and fought the urge to be too excited too soon.

The weeks that followed brought several scares for us. One of the hardest was spotting at the same time we lost our first baby. One of the other hardest was my birthday, another very long and frightening day until we saw his little heart beating on the ultrasound. That was the beginning of a long line of ultrasounds and doctor appointments. I don't even remember now when the spotting stopped but I remember making it through the first trimester and with each passing milestone taking a small breath in and exhaling just as small a breath. My doctor told me the only way I would ever really not be so scared was to have this little boy and I have found that although the fear has changed with each milestone, he is right and until he is in my arms there is always a little fear there.

In the months that followed that snowy night in December we lost our sweet Brandy girl, our yellow labrador, my Aunt Marian, and my dad - so much sooner than anyone ever anticipated we would. We found out Steve and I both are carriers for Cystic Fibrosis, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, exposed to H1N1 and MRSA twice, and have been through two serious and frightening illnesses with mom.

This post wouldn't be complete without sharing more about our Cystic Fibrosis testing. This will be our only natural child now that we know we are both carriers. Although there is only a 25% chance our son will have it, it's not a chance we can knowingly take again. They did our testing at 10 weeks. We lost our first baby a week before that testing would have taken place so we had no idea. If that test had taken place just a week later, our son wouldn't be on the way right now.

I sit here today and we are coming up on week 38 and our son is now considered full term. We've had ultrasound after ultrasound and there are no signs of CF visible on them. This isn't full-proof so we have a plan in place if he tests positive for CF. He will be tested at birth and again at one month old to be sure. My little boy has survived more in the womb than some adults do in their whole lives. It's hard to believe sometimes all that we have been through during my pregnancy and I marvel at how well he has continued to grow and develop despite the stress and heartache going on all around him. He truly is my miracle from God.

The time is fast approaching to meet my little miracle. If he doesn't come on his own (we are hoping he will!) they will likely induce on August 31st. We have an ultrasound on the 30th to check his weight and we will make decisions then regarding induction and whether or not I can deliver him naturally at his weight.

My son has been blanketed in prayer by so many since he was created. Someday I will share with him how loved he was even before he was born. My heart overflows with gratitude and praise. I hope soon to be able to share him with you!

I finally let Steve take some belly pictures of me today. Once they are touched up and cropped I will share what a wonderful photographer he is with you.

Blessings.