Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
He Will Carry Me
I sat down this morning and watched the DVD from our wedding, April 4th of last year. We planned to watch it on our anniversary but we haven't celebrated it yet. I knew that watching it now would be difficult for me so I chose to watch it alone. I watched it today with a different perspective than I would have earlier this month. I thought I would watch Steve and myself with tears of joy and remembrance. Today I watched my dad with thoughts of my son and my tears were mixed with many emotions. The DVD captured so much of my dad's personality, his humor, his mannerisms, his facial expressions. It will truly be a gift to my son to be able to see his grandpa and to see him in a way words can't do justice to. It will be placed in the safe later today for safe keeping, truly a treasure, more than I ever dreamed it would be a year ago when it was made.
I have given much thought to the last year, especially as I watched today. I had dreams on that day of our days to come and in those dreams I knew we would have challenges. When we did our premarital counseling we talked of many of those challenges we might face. I am sure we faced many of those things in the last year but I can barely recall any of them in light of the the struggles and devastation we've survived. I observed my dad on the video and how strong he was and how good he felt. I never dreamed a year later I would spend my anniversary at his bedside praying for a miracle and only days later would hug him for the last time on this earth. Or that my first child would be awaiting his arrival in heaven that early morning. The year was filled with many blessings as well and daily I try to find the balance within my heart of the blessings and heartache that have come hand in hand so many times over the last year. I am not sure at any time I have felt the sadness or joy in its fullest because to feel one completely is to discount the other. I am so blessed to have been able to share that beautiful day with my dad and to dance with him one last time. I am thankful to have so much of that day captured on DVD to be watched over the years when I need to hear his voice or see his face, his humor, his love, and to help my son know him. I too am thankful for the many, many hundreds of photos that were taken that day ...
My Wish - my last dance with my dad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz32I_GbpeU
It would be unfair to recall the last year and not tell you about Steve. And where do I begin ... gosh. A year ago we lit the unity candle to a song by Matthew West. The second verse goes like this ... You see these hands you hold, will always hold you up, when the strength you have, just ain't strong enough. And what tomorrow brings, only time will tell, but I will stand by you in sickness and health. Steve would tell you how strong I am. Mostly because I have gotten pretty good at hiding my grief and sadness and most of all, my weakness. What he doesn't realize is that over the last year there have been so many times my own strength wasn't enough and it was his hands that held me up. He has been my rock and many days all that has kept me going from one breath to the next. I am so thankful he has stood by me and loved me even on my most unlovable days. God blessed me with an amazing man.
As I have been typing my little boy is kicking me and reminding me of one of the greatest blessings in my life. Steve's best man talked in his toast of the chapters in our lives. God is good and as Steve promised to stand by me in sickness and in health, I know my Savior does. I praise Him even in the storms. He will carry me through the end of this chapter in my life and into the beginning of a new one.
Thank you for following my dad's final journey through my blog. I pray you keep following it as our son's journey begins.
I have given much thought to the last year, especially as I watched today. I had dreams on that day of our days to come and in those dreams I knew we would have challenges. When we did our premarital counseling we talked of many of those challenges we might face. I am sure we faced many of those things in the last year but I can barely recall any of them in light of the the struggles and devastation we've survived. I observed my dad on the video and how strong he was and how good he felt. I never dreamed a year later I would spend my anniversary at his bedside praying for a miracle and only days later would hug him for the last time on this earth. Or that my first child would be awaiting his arrival in heaven that early morning. The year was filled with many blessings as well and daily I try to find the balance within my heart of the blessings and heartache that have come hand in hand so many times over the last year. I am not sure at any time I have felt the sadness or joy in its fullest because to feel one completely is to discount the other. I am so blessed to have been able to share that beautiful day with my dad and to dance with him one last time. I am thankful to have so much of that day captured on DVD to be watched over the years when I need to hear his voice or see his face, his humor, his love, and to help my son know him. I too am thankful for the many, many hundreds of photos that were taken that day ...
My Wish - my last dance with my dad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz32I_GbpeU
It would be unfair to recall the last year and not tell you about Steve. And where do I begin ... gosh. A year ago we lit the unity candle to a song by Matthew West. The second verse goes like this ... You see these hands you hold, will always hold you up, when the strength you have, just ain't strong enough. And what tomorrow brings, only time will tell, but I will stand by you in sickness and health. Steve would tell you how strong I am. Mostly because I have gotten pretty good at hiding my grief and sadness and most of all, my weakness. What he doesn't realize is that over the last year there have been so many times my own strength wasn't enough and it was his hands that held me up. He has been my rock and many days all that has kept me going from one breath to the next. I am so thankful he has stood by me and loved me even on my most unlovable days. God blessed me with an amazing man.
As I have been typing my little boy is kicking me and reminding me of one of the greatest blessings in my life. Steve's best man talked in his toast of the chapters in our lives. God is good and as Steve promised to stand by me in sickness and in health, I know my Savior does. I praise Him even in the storms. He will carry me through the end of this chapter in my life and into the beginning of a new one.
Thank you for following my dad's final journey through my blog. I pray you keep following it as our son's journey begins.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Our little boy
We had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday. This was the first time they could check for signs of Cystic Fibrosis so mama was pretty nervous. After a very long wait for the doctor, daddy was getting pretty nervous too! We won't know definitively until his blood test at birth but they can look for some things that can give us an idea before he arrives. The doctor had good news for us though. The baby looks great right now! He is growing and developing as he should be. They will do another ultrasound at 32 weeks and do some additional checking for signs of CF at that point. We got to see our little boy's feet for the first time yesterday and they were terribly cute! He had his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands over his face so his feet were just about all we saw. We were starting to think he really didn't want to be seen yesterday! We got a few peeks at him though and all of his grandparents think he's adorable. And he is, of course! :) 
This week has been a hard one but also a blessed one. We have seen many, many answered prayers this week in our family. God is good!
This week has been a hard one but also a blessed one. We have seen many, many answered prayers this week in our family. God is good!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
My house
If you read the piece I wrote about dad for the funeral you know the attachment I must have to my old house and the time he and I spent there. It was a comfort to me to be able to be there in the last week and sit in my swing under my big oak tree. My house has been for sale since last July. We've had calls over the last year but nothing significant. I told Steve I wonder if God knew I needed that house when I lost my dad and He held on to it for that reason. We have someone that is interested now. As hard as it is for me to let my house go I need to for many reasons, but primarily for financial reasons with a baby on the way. I am ready now and if it's God's time I pray doors will open to find a new owner. Please pray with us for God's timing and clear direction in our decisions.
May you have a blessed and beautiful spring day!
May you have a blessed and beautiful spring day!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
For my dad
I wanted to share what I wrote about my dad for yesterday's services ...
Yesterday I tried to think of one word that described how I feel about my dad & what he meant to me. I thought of many but couldn’t think of just one that really summed it up. I hope as I put my thoughts on paper it will come to me. I have many childhood memories of my dad but the memories that are most vivid, & most cherished, are from my adult life and the time we spent together. Dad & I didn't often talk about serious things, not in the traditional way. We just spent time together & in our own unspoken ways we said all that needed to be said, I suppose that’s why that time was so special. It was about more than the task at hand. I’ve spent much of my first days without him thinking about the days I was blessed to have with him & how he touched my life. Mom & dad taught me to be an independent person but I always knew they were never more than a phone call away. Mom would ask dad for weeks to do something for her to no avail but all I had to do was call & by the time I said, "Dad, I need" he was already out the door. I suspect that he knew by the time I called him I had already tried it myself & was really in a jam! And I'm enough like mom that he knew when I got something in mind, I wanted it done yesterday. When I bought my first house & the ten years that followed there were a lot of those phone calls. I walked through my house last week & in every room I saw his handprint. Together we remodeled & redecorated every room in that house, from ceiling to floor. He taught me to be a plumber & an electrician - and most importantly, I learned how important clear signals are when communicating about whether the power is on or off! I was the one, by the way, that got the jolt that day! He taught me to be a painter, appliance repairman, lawnmower mechanic, & one late night he even taught me how to stop a truck with its accelerator stuck wide open. There were very few things together we didn't try. And the leaves from my big oak tree ... there were millions of them & many a fall day I called for help when it was more than one person could tackle. I sat in my swing hanging from that big oak tree last week & thought of the ice cream & hot dogs from the Root Beer Stande we've eaten over the years in that very swing after a long day in the yard. His help never cost me more than a cup of coffee or chili dog & a hug. And truly the hug was all he really wanted. Last week I asked dad if he knew what we'd have been doing that week. He grinned & said, "Spring cleaning". Every spring we spent most of my spring break in the yard together cleaning & landscaping. I bet we laid close to 1000 bags of mulch over the last ten years & picked up at least that many sticks each & every spring. He used to laugh at me & how every single stick had to be picked up. I believe I heard more than once that I was just like my mother! The first year after his cancer he wasn’t able to help me physically but I told mom I couldn’t do it without him. I didn't really need his help, I just wanted his company & that time we've always had together. It's time for spring cleaning & I told him I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it this year. He said, "me either". Mom & dad joked over the years about the time before they met as 'before Larry'. You see for me, there is no before Larry. He has been with me since my first breath. I don't know how to live my life without my dad & I have no idea how I will get through my spring yard cleaning this year without his company but I suspect like each day, I'll do it one stick at a time. My dad taught me so much over the years but I think I learned the most from him in the last two years & especially in his last days with us. My dad displayed strength, determination, & courage that you had to see to believe and a love and dedication to family beyond words. I have never witnessed a stronger man or a stronger fight & one done with such grace. As I close this I found my one word for dad. The dictionary defines a hero as a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities. That’s my dad, my hero. A friend told me she too lost her dad before her son was born but as he's grown she's seen so much of her dad in him & that as I watch our little boy I too will begin to see my dad. I hope & pray that I do, he couldn't be like a finer man.
Yesterday I tried to think of one word that described how I feel about my dad & what he meant to me. I thought of many but couldn’t think of just one that really summed it up. I hope as I put my thoughts on paper it will come to me. I have many childhood memories of my dad but the memories that are most vivid, & most cherished, are from my adult life and the time we spent together. Dad & I didn't often talk about serious things, not in the traditional way. We just spent time together & in our own unspoken ways we said all that needed to be said, I suppose that’s why that time was so special. It was about more than the task at hand. I’ve spent much of my first days without him thinking about the days I was blessed to have with him & how he touched my life. Mom & dad taught me to be an independent person but I always knew they were never more than a phone call away. Mom would ask dad for weeks to do something for her to no avail but all I had to do was call & by the time I said, "Dad, I need" he was already out the door. I suspect that he knew by the time I called him I had already tried it myself & was really in a jam! And I'm enough like mom that he knew when I got something in mind, I wanted it done yesterday. When I bought my first house & the ten years that followed there were a lot of those phone calls. I walked through my house last week & in every room I saw his handprint. Together we remodeled & redecorated every room in that house, from ceiling to floor. He taught me to be a plumber & an electrician - and most importantly, I learned how important clear signals are when communicating about whether the power is on or off! I was the one, by the way, that got the jolt that day! He taught me to be a painter, appliance repairman, lawnmower mechanic, & one late night he even taught me how to stop a truck with its accelerator stuck wide open. There were very few things together we didn't try. And the leaves from my big oak tree ... there were millions of them & many a fall day I called for help when it was more than one person could tackle. I sat in my swing hanging from that big oak tree last week & thought of the ice cream & hot dogs from the Root Beer Stande we've eaten over the years in that very swing after a long day in the yard. His help never cost me more than a cup of coffee or chili dog & a hug. And truly the hug was all he really wanted. Last week I asked dad if he knew what we'd have been doing that week. He grinned & said, "Spring cleaning". Every spring we spent most of my spring break in the yard together cleaning & landscaping. I bet we laid close to 1000 bags of mulch over the last ten years & picked up at least that many sticks each & every spring. He used to laugh at me & how every single stick had to be picked up. I believe I heard more than once that I was just like my mother! The first year after his cancer he wasn’t able to help me physically but I told mom I couldn’t do it without him. I didn't really need his help, I just wanted his company & that time we've always had together. It's time for spring cleaning & I told him I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it this year. He said, "me either". Mom & dad joked over the years about the time before they met as 'before Larry'. You see for me, there is no before Larry. He has been with me since my first breath. I don't know how to live my life without my dad & I have no idea how I will get through my spring yard cleaning this year without his company but I suspect like each day, I'll do it one stick at a time. My dad taught me so much over the years but I think I learned the most from him in the last two years & especially in his last days with us. My dad displayed strength, determination, & courage that you had to see to believe and a love and dedication to family beyond words. I have never witnessed a stronger man or a stronger fight & one done with such grace. As I close this I found my one word for dad. The dictionary defines a hero as a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities. That’s my dad, my hero. A friend told me she too lost her dad before her son was born but as he's grown she's seen so much of her dad in him & that as I watch our little boy I too will begin to see my dad. I hope & pray that I do, he couldn't be like a finer man.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Arrangements and directions
Viewing on Sunday 4-7pm
Viewing on Monday 12-1pm
Funeral Monday 1pm
All to take place at Berean Baptist Temple, 2445 Trebein Rd. Fairborn.
Directions: 675 (either direction) to Dayton-Yellow Springs Rd,, I think it's exit 20but not certain. Turn Right onto Dayton-Yellow Springs Rd. Turn Right onto Trebein Rd. (there's a Speedway station at the intersection and a light). The church will be a little ways up on the right, there is a sign.
Obituary - http://www.beltonstroup.com/taylor.htm
Viewing on Monday 12-1pm
Funeral Monday 1pm
All to take place at Berean Baptist Temple, 2445 Trebein Rd. Fairborn.
Directions: 675 (either direction) to Dayton-Yellow Springs Rd,, I think it's exit 20but not certain. Turn Right onto Dayton-Yellow Springs Rd. Turn Right onto Trebein Rd. (there's a Speedway station at the intersection and a light). The church will be a little ways up on the right, there is a sign.
Obituary - http://www.beltonstroup.com/taylor.htm
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
