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Saturday, August 21, 2010

My Miracle

I still remember waking up on Christmas Day feeling sick at my stomach and just icky. I had taken probably 3 or 4 pregnancy tests in the weeks before that hoping to see the magical word, "pregnant" but each time it said "not pregnant". I took one on Christmas Eve hoping to be able to give my husband that gift for Christmas. Instead he got some other gifts he liked and was happy to have them.

The next day I still felt pretty rotten and again the next day and by that time I was starting to recognize that feeling in my stomach. We had a snow storm on the way and not a pregnancy test in the house. My wonderful husband took me out on some really nasty roads that night to buy a pregnancy test. I came home and took it and finally it said,"pregnant" and in record time! Having suffered the loss of our first baby I am not sure what I felt first, excitement or fear. I do remember getting on my knees to pray for him. I walked out to the couch silently and just held it up for Steve to see. I'm not sure which feeling he had first that night either. I know we both felt such a deep fear of what was to come and fought the urge to be too excited too soon.

The weeks that followed brought several scares for us. One of the hardest was spotting at the same time we lost our first baby. One of the other hardest was my birthday, another very long and frightening day until we saw his little heart beating on the ultrasound. That was the beginning of a long line of ultrasounds and doctor appointments. I don't even remember now when the spotting stopped but I remember making it through the first trimester and with each passing milestone taking a small breath in and exhaling just as small a breath. My doctor told me the only way I would ever really not be so scared was to have this little boy and I have found that although the fear has changed with each milestone, he is right and until he is in my arms there is always a little fear there.

In the months that followed that snowy night in December we lost our sweet Brandy girl, our yellow labrador, my Aunt Marian, and my dad - so much sooner than anyone ever anticipated we would. We found out Steve and I both are carriers for Cystic Fibrosis, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, exposed to H1N1 and MRSA twice, and have been through two serious and frightening illnesses with mom.

This post wouldn't be complete without sharing more about our Cystic Fibrosis testing. This will be our only natural child now that we know we are both carriers. Although there is only a 25% chance our son will have it, it's not a chance we can knowingly take again. They did our testing at 10 weeks. We lost our first baby a week before that testing would have taken place so we had no idea. If that test had taken place just a week later, our son wouldn't be on the way right now.

I sit here today and we are coming up on week 38 and our son is now considered full term. We've had ultrasound after ultrasound and there are no signs of CF visible on them. This isn't full-proof so we have a plan in place if he tests positive for CF. He will be tested at birth and again at one month old to be sure. My little boy has survived more in the womb than some adults do in their whole lives. It's hard to believe sometimes all that we have been through during my pregnancy and I marvel at how well he has continued to grow and develop despite the stress and heartache going on all around him. He truly is my miracle from God.

The time is fast approaching to meet my little miracle. If he doesn't come on his own (we are hoping he will!) they will likely induce on August 31st. We have an ultrasound on the 30th to check his weight and we will make decisions then regarding induction and whether or not I can deliver him naturally at his weight.

My son has been blanketed in prayer by so many since he was created. Someday I will share with him how loved he was even before he was born. My heart overflows with gratitude and praise. I hope soon to be able to share him with you!

I finally let Steve take some belly pictures of me today. Once they are touched up and cropped I will share what a wonderful photographer he is with you.

Blessings.

Home Sweet Temporary Home

Mom is home and doing better. Her progress has been much slower this time and it's been rough for her but she is doing much better now. The final decision from the doctors is the cause was a medication interaction, which caused a condition called serotonin syndrome. She was released from the hospital on Monday and spent the week at John's. She came to our house yesterday to stay for now. As she is feeling better we will resume the search for her a place to live but in the meantime our house is home sweet temporary home for her and Mickey and we are blessed to have them.

She was kept covered in prayer and we appreciate it!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Deja-vu

Deja-vu ... I've said it so many times today I lost count.

We had a repeat episode today with mom of what took place in late June. This time, however, there were no missing pieces of the puzzle, she was with me every second. She had a migraine a couple days ago and with mom they always come in clusters. When she told me she was having another migraine yesterday and got pretty sick my brothers and I didn't think there was reason to panic. She is staying with us so I was with her through the night and at one point thought she was showing improvement. At my next check her condition had begun to decline and from there it went downhill fast and was clearly no ordinary migraine - and was beginning to look too much like the episode earlier this summer for any of our comfort levels. We called an ambulance this morning and she was in such bad shape it wasn't safe to transport to Miami Valley and they took her to the closest ER in Middletown. Her blood pressure had climbed to 200/100 at that point and she was rapidly becoming less and less responsive. It was a long day and we went through all the same things, with her and the doctors, that we did in June. However, this time we have an answer. Mom has viral meningitis as well as MRSA. She is in ICU and showing little improvement tonight but that is to be expected. They expect to see improvement late tomorrow or Thursday and that would follow along with what we saw last time as well.

Steve and I were both exposed to the meningitis and MRSA in caring for her. The initial conversations with the doctor sound like there is not cause for great concern for the baby and me but John will have the opportunity to talk more with him tomorrow and we will also hear from my OB in the morning. My wonderful sis-in-law and niece were here earlier and disinfected the house for me and wiped down anything mom might have touched.

I am having contractions on and off so rest is the main item on my agenda right now. If mom comes out of this to find she missed her grandson's birth I will be in BIG trouble! LOL So, I am taking it easy and encouraging my son to give Grandma some time to get better before he gets too serious about his arrival.

We are so thankful she was here with us and we have answers tonight. God is good!

Blessings and sweet dreams!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Five Latest Happenings in Our World

I guess I am way behind on keeping my blog updated! It's been a busy summer preparing for Baby Handy's arrival.

Here are the 5 latest happenings in our world ...

#1 Mom: My mom sold their condo and will be moving the end of this month. We are blessed she found a place just a short 3 miles from our house. The whole experience has been a God thing in so many ways and I am assured she is where He wants her to be. And thankful it is where I wanted her to be too!

#2 My House: My house is now for rent. It was not what I had hoped for but God has another plan for my house. I have never had anxiety about my house and still don't. God has given me that peace for a reason and I trust in how He has worked that out for us. We are praying for good renters and to have it rented before the baby arrives!

#3 Baby: Baby Handy is still growing in leaps and bounds and weighing in now somewhere around 5lb 4oz. He is still growing faster than he should be so I started on medication for the gestational diabetes. My blood sugars have been great but it just wasn't enough. I started my twice a week non-stress tests last week and he passed the first two with flying colors! Baby Handy does have a name but it's a secret. :) 7 weeks to go and it won't be a secret anymore!

He's definitely a BOY!

#4 THE HEAT!!!: I heard on the news the other night this may be the hottest summer on record since they started tracking it in the 1800's. Thank goodness for AC and the pool. This is one pregnant chic that is spending her summer INSIDE! There's just too much of me to haul around in the heat these days. :)



What do you call it when it's too big to be a baby 'bump'?

#5 Anniversary: Steve and I did not celebrate our anniversary in April. It took some time but we did finally celebrate this past weekend. We spent a wonderful day in Cincinnati. We went to the Museum Center and Omnimax and then to Newport on the Levy. We had dinner on the river and walked across it on the Purple People Bridge. Steve planned it and made it perfect. He even cut a very small piece of our wedding cake so I could have a couple bites for my bedtime snack. We'll thaw and eat the rest after the baby comes and I can have more. It tasted as good as it did on our wedding day and I can't wait to chow down on the rest!








The summer has flown by for me. Much like the last year or so, this too is a bitter sweet time in my life. Every day I grow more and more excited to meet and hold my son. I miss my dad more and more each day though and as the time comes for his grandson to arrive, it is often an unbearable sadness. I have things ready for the hospital and in that is my focal point for labor - pictures of my dad. He will be there with me, reminding me how strong he was and how strong I can be. His strength continues to inspire me and push me to do what seems more than I can handle.

Every day is a blessing. My wiggly little boy reminds me of that all the day through!

Blessings to you all. Stay cool!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Mysterious ...

I tried to find a word to describe the last two days and can't come up with one. Frightening doesn't seem strong enough a word!

Monday I got my glucose challenge results back and found out I have gestational diabetes. My mom had been awaiting that news so I sent her a text. She didn't respond but it's not uncommon for her to take awhile to reply. I went to my doctor's appointment shortly after that and when I came out three hours later I still hadn't heard from her - it had now been 5 hours. I began calling her cell and the house and got no answer. I waited a few minutes and tried again and then again and then again. My brother John called and said he hadn't heard from her either and we both started to feel a bit uneasy. He called Jamie and he tried to reach her to no avail. I think at that point in my gut I knew something wasn't right. John left then to check on her.

He arrived to find the blinds pulled and truck in the garage. You can imagine his fear at that moment. How he made it through the next few moments is beyond me. He found mom in bed and began calling her name and got to response at all. He yelled at her and still nothing. I can't even let my mind go where his must have gone at that moment. After more yelling she responded. She was burning up with fever and incoherent and he couldn't keep her awake. She didn't know her name or who John was. They got her to the hospital by squad and I was astonished by what I saw when they let me go back. She was lifeless. I too had to yell at her several times to get her to open her eyes. She didn't know me either. As the night went on it appeared she began to recognize us, especially Adam, but couldn't tell us our names or who we were. She didn't even know I was pregnant and she had a grandson on the way.

There was a tremendous blessing in the middle of all of this. You may recall my dad's doctor, Dr. Chambers. Truly the most amazing doctor there is. He was first mom's pulmonary doctor and then started seeing dad. I asked the nurse to see if he was in the hospital. They called his pager and he called back and was there. He asked to talk to me right away and I filled him in. In ten minutes or less he was there with mom. He worked with the ER doctor and admitted her himself and has been caring for her since. He was working through the night so was able to check on mom often. I think we all breathed a huge sigh of relief to know he was taking care of her. And the funny thing is she knew him! He was the only person she called by name that night.

They ran test after test after test and all came back normal. She was severely dehydrated so they loaded her with fluids and gave her tylenol for the fever and started an antibiotic. Her fever came down but she showed very little improvement. It wasn't until Tuesday morning she was able to talk to Jamie (he stayed the night with her) and knew who he was. Once John arrived Tuesday morning I had him put mom on the phone so I could hear for myself. I held it together with no problem on Monday but when she got on the phone and talked to me it took every shred of strength I had not to crumble. I was so thankful to have my mom back.

As a family we started trying to put the pieces together. We had all been in contact with her on Sunday. Jamie last spoke to her at 10pm Sunday night and she was fine. A neighbor said she saw her wandering in her yard sometime that night in her pajamas - without the dog. She was dressed when John found her so at some point she got dressed. Unfortunately mom remembers only very small bits and pieces from Sunday night through Tuesday morning so our puzzle is still missing most of the pieces. I'm not sure we'll ever know exactly what happened or what caused it. She may get to go home today but will be coming to our house to start with. We all expected a fight but I didn't get one. I told my brother that must be an indication of how bad she felt and how scary all of this has been for her too. John has threatened to microchip her and Darlene says she's moving in with Jamie. LOL I doubt she'll go for either of those but I do think we will have a more defined system to keep tabs on her!

Thank you to our family and friends for keeping her covered in prayer.
Have a blessed rest of your week!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Updates!

It's been a stormy start to the summer in Ohio and our modem was one of the casualties. We are back online this morning and I have updates!

First the bad news ... things did not work out with my house and we will be working with a realtor to rent it.

Now the good news ... baby Handy is looking healthy! We had a wonderful ultrasound on Friday. The tech was encouraged at how healthy he looks and saw no signs of CF. We are so thankful! We won't know for sure until he's born and they do a blood test but it's a start. And he is one BIG boy! Last week he should have been about 2-1/2 lbs and they estimate he is already over 4 lbs. I am awaiting a call from my OB this morning with the results from my second glucose challenge (I failed the first one) which we, and my high risk doctor, expect to indicate gestational diabetes. The size of our little boy coupled with my first failed glucose challenge lend itself well to that possibility. This post wouldn't be complete without sharing a picture of his positively adorable chubby cheeks! (And as usual, he has a hand over part of his face.)



Father's Day has come and gone and for the first time in my life I was relieved it was over. Not being a man/father, Father's Day has always just been about my dad. It was a tough day. I planned to visit the cemetery but wanted yesterday to be something more than just feeling sad. I prayed yesterday morning and asked God to help me figure out what I could do for Father's Day each year that would make it special and surround me with something that reminds me of my dad. And it came to me. I spent my afternoon at the Air Force Museum, one of my dad's favorite places to visit. And I took time to actually read the signs this time, as he always did. OK, so I didn't read every word like he did, but I read a lot more than I usually do! I like to think of it as time spent with my dad in a place he loved, and as I look back on yesterday, it was without a doubt the most at peace I felt all day. I hope to make this a tradition I can share with Steve and our son each year. I have to say a special thank you to my husband and his family for just letting me cope how I needed to yesterday. And another special thank you to my friends and my big brother, Jamie, for thinking of me and checking on me yesterday.

Baby Handy's very first USAF t-shirt.



What post about the museum would be complete without a photo of a plane ...
The Mustang



Thank you for the prayers.
Have a blessed week!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Big Week Ahead

We have a big week ahead of us ...

We will be showing my house twice this coming week. The first showing has been a long awaited one, for both parties. The mom of a neighbor is going through a challenging time in her life and relocating to Ohio from Florida (that alone is a challenge - LOL!!). For many years she has admired the cute little house on the corner and has asked regularly over the last year if it's still for sale. She is in town visiting right now and will be coming to see it. Her daughter and family lived just down the street when I moved in almost 12 years ago. Their son and his wife now live next door to them. I know they would love to have her just down the street. And I would love to leave my home to her care. Her circumstance is unfortunate so please pray for God's will for her and the best possible outcome for her future, whether it be on Farnham Avenue or not! We have another young woman who is interested and whose Grandma lives just up the road as well.

We have an even bigger event on Friday as we have our next, and hopefully final, ultrasound. They will be checking again for signs of cystic fibrosis in our little guy. Please pray with us that the ultrasound shows a healthy and developing little boy. If things look good on this ultrasound we don't anticipate they will do another. I am excited to see him but anxious as we check again for CF. We have an appointment at Children's next week with their genetic counselor to find a pediatrician that is trained and experienced with CF as we won't know for sure until about a week after his birth whether he has CF or not. We are opting to be prepared and praying we won't need that particular part of his expertise. We covet your prayers for our little boy.

I have been busy working on preparing the house and our furry babies for our new arrival. This week mom and I will dive into the nursery and start it's transformation. I'm including a photo (courtesy of Lisa) which is the inspiration for his room ... turtles, turtles, turtles! I love sea turtles. :)





12 weeks to go!

Have a blessed week ahead!